we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
