Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ketchup is God's man juice
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
