NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
