Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
