Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
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I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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