thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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