You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
