i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When / where did the additional couches appear?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen