Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.