I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.