He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high