I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize