You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
