3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
you never un-have a 4some
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize