someone threw a dead crab at me
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My penis needs a shock collar
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.