love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
