She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
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I think I sprained my soul last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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