is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
