Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
