She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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