I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
