Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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