Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
