Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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