You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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