before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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