Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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