If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
