I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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