RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
