Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
