No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've blown a few things in my day
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
