the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
