You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
