the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
