I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
