We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
