Acid is not a monday night drug
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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