Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
