is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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