I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
