me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
