I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
