Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
