and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
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I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
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No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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