I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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