what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
