1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
