help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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