Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
