I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
