I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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