I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
