Where did you get a picture of my penis
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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