I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
