I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize