They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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