I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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