god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
