i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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