well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
