I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
