He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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