She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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