I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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