Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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