Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
