i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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