omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize