Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The air taste purple.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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