Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
