I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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