I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
