I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
