I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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