Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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