so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
