Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
