You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
