I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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