I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
