Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
