i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
