i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
