But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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