Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
