i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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