i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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