the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
