I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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